A Barren Womb

1Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the LORD.

2Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes;

3For thou shalt break forth on the right hand and on the left; and thy seed shall inherit the Gentiles, and make the desolate cities to be inhabited.

4Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.

5For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.

6For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.

7For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.

8In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer.

9For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee.

A Barren Womb

Thank you Oh Lord, that You have not forgotten me or my barren womb

For there was a time when I locked the pain away, till my heart became an empty tomb

Trying to ignore my private pain, of a woman unfulfilled this day

Wondering what evil lurked in me, that you chose to take my child away

When I knew no children would be my fate I tried to overcome the loss on my own

Pouring myself into others, so the love you gave me ,would finally have a home

And I wish I could say it was enough, but even this victory fell flat and sadness still did reign

Slowly over time my heart became luke warm and I stopped calling out  Your name

Content was I when You put me on the shelf because I thought it was better than always screwing up

After  a life time of failures I began to think  that even    You, Lord could not help

But in your glorious greatness you Knew my private pain and  the shame I could  not bare

And in Your tender way you called me back to church, because you had some words to share

From the mouth of your  faithful  servant, who preached Your word that day

You made me realize You had not given up on me, no matter how badly I behaved

So I will lift my voice in song, trusting in Your word and the mercy You extend to me

Rejoicing in Your spirit as I follow in Your ways, I will lay down my sorrow all to thee

Great is your faithfulness , Lord unto me.

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Bring Him Back (I stand by Manchester)

It would seem that terrorist attacks are becoming the new normal which is a very sad state of affairs. I wrote this after learning of the bombing in London and my heart grieves for all the innocent lives that will change forever. A few days later there was a terroist attack in Scarborough, Ont a place were I was born and raised and it really it home. It was only one person with a knife and hammer that was quickly apprehended but I know there will be more. If we want the world to change we have to become a body that loves each other and we can’t do that alone we need the Lord to lead us. So many times I hear people say there is no God, if there was a God he would not allow this to happen, He would stop it before anyone else was killed. Well if I am being honest the Lord is always with us. It is we who walked away from the Lord a long time ago. We stop praying in schools, we have abandon the church, we can’t speak his name in the workplace etc. If we are going to exact any real change we are going to have to go to the Lord and call out for him to help. We need to start putting him back into all the institutions we have banned him from. How do we start that change we need to welcome back to are homes and heart and watch what he can do.

Bring Him Back (I stand for Manchester)

I turn on the news and a shiver runs down my spine

Because I know this world is running out of  time

I hear of the bombings, shootings killings it fills me with fear and dread

How long is it gonna be till someone I  know and love  just turns up dead

Will it be my mother, father,sister, brother, friend, sometimes all I  can see is  the Rain

There are so many others, that feel all alone, can we  reach out to them and end the pain

 

So I am Calling out to all the people not just the one’s in the pews underneath the steeples

Lets  us all rise together and write another sequel

Never mind just calling down the angels we need the Lord in this place

To  spread love  in our hearts so we can let this world taste His Great Glorious Grace

Because fear and anger always breeds hate

And the Good Lord God said all we need is Faith

Won’t you lift your voice and help us find a way

To bring the Lord with  His Hope,Love Forgiveness  back to this place

 

This world is so full of anger,Prejudice,discrimination,hurt,pain and greed

How long is it going to take till we all learn, that being somebody is not what we need

Money, fame and all the trappings, will never fill a heart that is empty,hurt and damaged

Only the Lord’s love living through us could fill that kind of famine

I think what we need is a new perspective, a change of heart that brings about redemption

We all need to practice what we preach, hold back and turn the other cheek, to help ease the tension

 

So I am Calling out to all the people not just the one’s in the pews underneath the steeples

Lets  us all rise together and write another sequel

Never mind just calling down the angels we need the Lord in this place

To  spread love in our hearts so we can let this world taste His Great Glorious Grace

Because fear and anger always breeds hate

And the Good Lord God said all we need is Faith

Won’t you lift up your  hands lift up your voice and help us find a way

To bring the Lord with  His Hope, Love,Forgiveness  back to this place

 

So many in this world don’t have enough to eat they don’t even have shoes upon their feet

Can you look deep and find away to give a little help to fill the need

There are so many fighting chronic illness and disease ,that tries to take their lives,

it robs them of their beauty, but  those that know the Lord are still so  full of light

But what of the others where life is a misery, can you take their hand and give them hope, to get them through the night

There are so many  people who never got the love the  Good Lord intended that has left them cold and mean

They have suffered abuse in varying degrees, seen things so obscene, will we let them lean on you and me

 

So I am Calling out to all the people not just the one’s in the pews underneath the steeples

Lets  us all rise together and write another sequel

Never mind just calling down the angels we need the Lord in this place

To  spread love  in our hearts so we can let this world taste His Great Glorious Grace

Because fear and anger always breeds hate

And the Good Lord God said all we need is faith

Won’t you lift your hands, lift up  your voice and help us find a way

To bring the Lord with  His Hope Love Forgiveness back to this place

 

The Good Lord said they would know us by our love, if  evil looked at us could they really tell

The people of this world stand one step away, from surrender ,to heaven or to  hell

In the end we only get one chance to stand for good and we can’t do it alone,so don’t be thrown

The Lord can take our broken hearts and put us back in line and help us grow

He brings beauty from the ashes and victory from defeat

Lay down your burdens and look up in faith, because earth knows no sorrow that Heaven can’t render obsolete

 

So I am Calling out to all the people not just the one’s in the pews underneath the steeples

Lets  us all rise together and write another sequel

Never mind just calling down the angels we need the Lord in this place

To  spread love  in our hearts so we can let this world taste His Great Glorious Grace

Because fear and anger always breeds hate

And the Good Lord God said all we need is Faith

Won’t you lift your hands lift up your voice and help us find a way

To bring the Lord with  His Hope ,Love, Forgiveness  back to this place

Bring the Lord back to this place

Oh Lets call  out to the Lord, and bring Him back to this place

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I Will Follow You

Evening Devotion

Psalm 37:vs 4-6

Delight yourself in the Lord

And He shall give you the desires of your heart

Commit your way  to the Lord

Trust also in Him

And he shall bring it to pass

He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light

And justice as the noonday

I Will Follow You

Lord You have convinced me, that I need to start again

Taking all the lessons learned, I will follow You my friend

You never have abandoned  me, You caught my every tear

And when I thought the end was near, you whispered child please don’t fear

For you are still my daughter no matter what you do and say

I’ve written my name upon your heart and there it will always stay

Regardless of your performance I didn’t come to judge

I want just to love you, I never hold a grudge

So let go of your anger, let not bitterness take hold

And I will restore you to my church, I’ll return you to the fold

There will still be trials but the holy spirit will be there

For you felt my holy breath ,in the rushing of the wind I brought to bear

Now that you trust me I can help you build a better life

Full of  my goodness I will lead you to the light

I will fight your battles I will be your sight

And all that you’ve been through, I will use it all

To help you minister to others  no matter what their  port of call

Keep your heart wide open, full of compassion for the broken

And I will bring to pass a life full of joy, for you’re the one I ‘ve chosen

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EVEN A TOAD HOPES

It seems I travel light this time as I set upon the road

All the people who I held so dear think I’m quite the toad

The trouble of settling down it seems means your veneer  start to peel and crack

No longer bright and shiny is the skin upon your back

Too soon the lines of age creep in and wear soon expose your warts

Repulsing those that stood with you, they push you to leave for foreign ports

I should have stayed far away, making the open road my friend

than I would never know the way you felt and we could still pretend

that we are still a family and that we really care

but now its just a fantasy that fizzled in the air

I will leave quietly and the lie will still live on

All I wish for is your happiness after I have gone

Everyday I spend begging for the Lord to save your soul

So one day I can have the family that I have never known

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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DoWe Really Believe What We Say We Believe

Do we really believe what we say we believe, when the cold rain whips against our face

Does our lips hold back the praise that is His due when the fog rolls in, and life has lost its taste

Do we stop and pray than continue on in the furry of the storm

Or do we run away from each lightning strike, forgetting were reborn

Do we really believe what we say we believe, when we stay within the comforts of our homes

Or should we venture out and tell someone that Hope has come and that their not alone

Are we brave enough to let down are guard and be vulnerable for our Lord upon the throne

Can we live by faith not by sight and follow where He goes

Do we really believe what we say we believe unless we go and try

Because if we don’t we’ll never see His Glory shine,in our neighbours eyes

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Rock Bottom

One good thing about hitting rock bottom is there is nowhere to go but up. In five short years I have lost my health, my looks,my family , friends I thought I had and my church. Now I have done my far share of grieving over this but I think I am turning a corner now. It’s funny how the Lord uses all these situations to change your perspective.

Take my appearance for example. The drugs I use to help control chronic illness have changed my appearance drastically. I used to be 150 lbs in shape from riding horses, working on the farm and cleaning houses.

Since the fibromyalgia has come out of remission the drugs I used to control nerve pain for my fibro and sterioids have helped to push my weight to 265 lbs. When I came off steroids I developed blistering roscia which leaves little and some not so little blisters on my face that sometime itch and bleed .  It makes wearing makeup a nightmare. With the weight gain and the nerve pain walking is much harder and I am forced to slow down physically .

What I never expected is people’s reaction to my weight gain and there were a lot of people who no longer wanted to be seen with me because of my physical appearance. The change in my appearance actually caused people to be embarrassed to be seen with me.

But the funny thing is after I was finally able to let all these people go the Lord started to bring people into my life that love me for me and that is a good thing. I am also more at peace because I have finally quit caring about what people think of me and I am much happier hanging out with the people who accept me for who I am not what I look like

Now all the hurt I went through during that time has made me more sensitive to the pain other ‘s around me might be feeling and I look for people I can build up and encourage which in turn makes me feel encouraged.

Finding a new Church that is not so focused on changing me, or healing me but accepting me the way I am right now with all my handicaps and service dog in tow is a blessing as well. My body may not function like others but God can still use a not so pretty picture and make something  beautiful. I am no longer counting on my appearance to make me beautiful I am hoping that God’s light shinning out of me will create something beautiful with my life . It has taken me a long time to get to this point but I think I am finally ready  to move on with no more regrets.

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HATED FOR MY NAMESAKE

Matthew : 10:22

You will be hated by all for My name sake. But he who endures to the end will be saved

 

When the Lord said you would be hated for my namesake I never dreamed it would be you

My closest friends and family, along with the  righteous sitting in the  pews

What started this I couldn’t say I was only being me,

But from what I ‘m hearing, I’m not your cup of tea

I spent my early years always fighting, sickness pain and fear

So happy that you came to visit me  and wipe away my tears

I loved you for your kindness my words could not confess

How much I had been blessed by you I held you up there as the best

You were my unsung hero’s that came and saved the day

And my heart was full of love for you for helping me this way

As time went on I chose a path that took me down another road

And introduced me to my Savior who came to save my soul

Joy sprung up like a well-spring and Living water did I taste

And I tried to live a new life stepping out in faith

Going forth as a new member of the Holy House of God

Even though you didn’t understand my journey I knew you’d always cheer me on

My family life expanded as I embraced the people of my church

Intending to do life with them I knew they would never leave me in the lurch

Than times got tough, I made mistakes sometimes I reached for dreams to far

Things fell apart with work and health and  my finances were lost

But what happened next would shatter me I really can’t believe

That my closest friends and family would start to turn on me

They told me that they were ashamed of me and they did resent

All the times that I was sick , Oh ,what a inconvenience they’d lament

We gave enough was their battle cry, your life has sucked us dry

We do not understand you, we hate the way you look and  dress,  so please don’t stop by

But  the days grew darker still and soon the church complained

that I wasn’t making progress in my walk with God and my tongue could not be tamed

And as for my chronic illness I was the one to blame was the consensus for the day

You are  a unrepented sinner that’s why you can’t be healed

God will never use you for His Glory your life reflects the way He feels

All we hear is complaining when you cry  out for us to help

If you were pure of heart you’d just keep the pain to yourself

Despite my broken heart I stayed and tried to be like them

But all my attempts to reach out to them were rebuffed in the end

So here I am just shattered trying to start down the road again

But the thing that s so ironic is Lord you,ve always been my friend

No matter my appearance or how I’ve done You wrong

You love me like a Father should You sing a different song

You always show me mercy, but there is one thing I  just can’t see

Is why the one’s that I loved so much saw no hope in me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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