One good thing about hitting rock bottom is there is nowhere to go but up. In five short years I have lost my health, my looks,my family , friends I thought I had and my church. Now I have done my far share of grieving over this but I think I am turning a corner now. It’s funny how the Lord uses all these situations to change your perspective.
Take my appearance for example. The drugs I use to help control chronic illness have changed my appearance drastically. I used to be 150 lbs in shape from riding horses, working on the farm and cleaning houses.
Since the fibromyalgia has come out of remission the drugs I used to control nerve pain for my fibro and sterioids have helped to push my weight to 265 lbs. When I came off steroids I developed blistering roscia which leaves little and some not so little blisters on my face that sometime itch and bleed . It makes wearing makeup a nightmare. With the weight gain and the nerve pain walking is much harder and I am forced to slow down physically .
What I never expected is people’s reaction to my weight gain and there were a lot of people who no longer wanted to be seen with me because of my physical appearance. The change in my appearance actually caused people to be embarrassed to be seen with me.
But the funny thing is after I was finally able to let all these people go the Lord started to bring people into my life that love me for me and that is a good thing. I am also more at peace because I have finally quit caring about what people think of me and I am much happier hanging out with the people who accept me for who I am not what I look like
Now all the hurt I went through during that time has made me more sensitive to the pain other ‘s around me might be feeling and I look for people I can build up and encourage which in turn makes me feel encouraged.
Finding a new Church that is not so focused on changing me, or healing me but accepting me the way I am right now with all my handicaps and service dog in tow is a blessing as well. My body may not function like others but God can still use a not so pretty picture and make something beautiful. I am no longer counting on my appearance to make me beautiful I am hoping that God’s light shinning out of me will create something beautiful with my life . It has taken me a long time to get to this point but I think I am finally ready to move on with no more regrets.